Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking.
I’d like to welcome you to Fate Airlines, Flight 1203, departing life-as-you-know-it for destination unknown. We here at Fate Airlines strive to give you a truly memorable experience, though cannot guarantee the results. We understand you might not know how you came to be in your seat, but please feel comfortable to put your seat back, let go of your insecurities and fears, and enjoy the ride. Tickets are non-refundable and non-transferable, and in case of an emergency, there are no parachutes on board. You are welcome to seek the advice of friends and family as life preservers, but we are hopeful and confident you will be just fine during our trip together.
You will notice this is a limited-seating aircraft, two people to be exact. At this time, the flight attendant will ask you to look across the aisle and you can see that your names were assigned to these seats long before you arrived to our wonderful plane. Feel free to introduce yourselves, get to know each other, share your dreams and goals, laugh and converse, and simply sit near one another, as this could be a very long flight.
In case of turbulence, please do not panic, nor look for an oxygen mask – we have none. All you will need to do is extend your arm into the aisle way, take the hand of your fellow passenger, look into his/her eyes, and you will know that everything will be ok.
At various times during the flight, our lovely and very attractive flight attendants will be making their way down the aisle to tempt you with our wonderful menu of food, drinks and desserts. As your Captain, I must encourage you to be careful of the choices you make, as some of our most tempting candies can lead to regret, irreparable harm, and heartache.
For your entertainment and pleasure, we have a lifetime of memories to be made with our custom flight cabin, which holds nights alone, comfortable silence, endless conversation, music concerts, a petting zoo, manatees, the world’s most complete mall, walks on the beach, time with family and friends, vacations, an absence of mean people, and an endless array of other to-dos.
The forecast for our arrival is sunny for as long as the passengers stay together. We here at Fate Airlines discourage our passengers from parting ways, as the weather outside can turn dark and stormy and is often too much for one person to handle alone. As long as our passengers depend and trust each other, however, we have found they enjoy general happiness, fulfillment, and contentment.
We’d like to thank you once again for flying with us. We understand that you have a choice in who you fly with, and we appreciate you allowing life to lead you here. Now sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight.