Confessions of a Wannabe Hipster – May 16, 2013

@socalitybarbie

The funniest part of the beginning of this thought is that some of my friends think I’m a hipster, or maybe they just think I’m a wannabe hipster.

I’ve always struggled with that – self vs. perceived-self.  I know who I am, but still worry incessently about who people think I am.

Or even how people think I think I am.

I think my worst nightmare is to be thought of as a poser.

In truth, I really have no idea how others perceive me.  I’d like to say I don’t care, but I do.  Not in the sense of how I dress or look, or being “hip”, but that people know I’m genuine – that I’m honest, real, not a front.  I think this will always be an internal struggle for me.

And I want to be better than I often fool myself to be.

I get caught in my own self-created hype.

I wish I was smarter, a lot smarter.  I know some pretty brilliant people, and I am certainly not one of them.

I wish i was more driven.  I’ve met some inspiring people, and I am less than accomplished.

I wish I was a better person.  I know some friends who truly get life, and I’ve walked in the same circle for years.

As of this writing, I’m not ready to break a mentality instantly that took more than a decade to build, but I’m stepping off the curb.  No more circles.  Let’s see where enlightenment can truly take us.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s